


There's No Replacing What We've Lost

by TaraHarkon



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Death, Gen, Sick Character, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Terminal Illnesses, Timeline Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 18:18:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15321438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaraHarkon/pseuds/TaraHarkon
Summary: There were three of us, once, lifetimes ago. We had another sibling, a younger brother, Keats. It was the three of us, surviving against all odds. The world against us. But Keats– Keats got sick. And he wouldn’t get better.- LydiaThis is the story never told. This is the story of Keats.





	There's No Replacing What We've Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This mucks with the timeline heavily to put Keats' death closer to the timeline of the podcast. Specifically, after the IPRE have landed and made the relics.

It had all started with a cough. Edward was sitting under a tree watching his little brother run and play when Keats had stopped, coughing into his hand. He hadn't thought it was anything worth worrying about then. Kids coughed. Kids got sick. Even High Elves got sick sometimes. Edward had brought him home, carrying him just like always. A stream ran through the forest where they lived and they passed in on the way back to the camp they called home. Lydia would be waiting there. It was just the three of them, had always been just the three of them for as long as it mattered. Keats squirmed in Edward's arms as they approached the edge of the clearing and Edward laughed, setting his little brother down.

"Lili! Lili!" Keats ran into the camp, throwing himself at his older sister. "We're home!"

Lydia turned then, a smile on her face as she caught him and swung him up in the air. Edward grinned and walked up at a more decorous pace.

"We had fun today. Did you tell her what we found by the river?"

Keats squirmed until Lydia put him down again and he smiled wide, showing off the gap where one of his front teeth was missing.

"I caught a frog! Eddie had me put it back though. He said it would be mean to take the frog away from its family."

Lydia ruffled his messy hair and lifted the lid off the cook pot.

"I'm glad you boys had fun. Don't forget you've got dish duty tonight, Edward."

"Of course!" He hugged her around the shoulders. "And tomorrow, a certain little brother of ours wanted to know if you would take him into town to look at fabric for a new tunic."

Before Lydia could say anything, could remind Edward how little they had, he put a finger to his lips. She nodded. They would talk about it when Keats was trancing. That was fine. Keats was leaning forward as far as he could without falling, trying to sniff the thin stew Lydia had spent the day making.

"What'd you make? What'd you-?"

His question was cut off by another bout of coughing. Lydia pulled him back, her expressive ears straight back with worry.  _It was just the smoke_... She told herself.  _It was just the smoke..._  She reached for the waterskin and handed it to him.

"Have a drink, Keats. Alright?"

Keats took the waterskin and drank, his own ears flicked back, copying her. 

"I'm okay, Lili. Promise."

She hugged him tightly.

"I know, Keats, I know."

* * *

Lydia woke out of a trance to the now familiar sound of coughing. Keats was awake, the dark circles under his eyes accented by the rising sun. His curly hair was damp, pressed to his head, and he was coughing into his hand. She went for the precious little bottle of medicine, the only thing they had been able to afford. Just a spoonful was supposed to stop the cough. Just a spoonful. How many spoonfuls had Keats had and nothing worked? Still, she poured out another damnable spoonful of the pale purple liquid and held it out to him. 

"Do I have to, Lili? It doesn't taste very good."

She tried to smile for him, tried to believe.

"You heard the healer, baby brother. She said it would help. Just try a little more and we can go pick some berries before Eddie gets up. Wouldn't that be a nice surprise?"

He nodded and took the spoon, swallowing the contents. Keats made a face as he stood.

"I told you it doesn't taste good. It takes like... like licking socks and... and Eddie's soap!"

Lydia laughed as she put the bottle away, but the laugh never reached her eyes. She could keep up a positive outlook for him. She could keep him from being afraid. But that didn't mean she was alright inside. She held her hand out and he took it, pointing deep into the forest with his other.

"We found raspberries that way yesterday. Do you think we can get those? Maybe pick a whole basket full?"

"I bet we could."

Keats started tugging Lydia towards the forest, a huge smile on his face.

"Come on! Maybe we can find enough that you can make jam again and we can give Eddie the biggest surprise!"

She let him pull her along, matching his pace and laughing.

"If we can find enough, I'll absolutely make you both jam. And we can have jam on toast. How does that sound?"

Keats punched the air, jumping a little.

"Hooray!"

Even still, Lydia watched him and worried.

* * *

Lydia had gone to look for another healer, a better one, one who could heal with magic and not just potions. Edward was sitting with Keats tucked in beside him. He had started a fever in the night, waking sweaty and shivering. He had long since soaked through his shirt and Edward had dressed the little boy in one of his own, a far larger shirt of a dark grey that only served to make Keats look even smaller and even more pale than he already was. He leaned against Edward, one small hand gripping tight to the fabric of Edward's shirt.

"Eddie?"

"Hmm?"

Edward brushed Keats' hair back from his face. Gods, he was so hot. Lydia had to have found a healer by now. Keats smiled a little, looking up at Edward.

"Do you think Lydia would help me make cookies? The really fancy special cookies we saw once?"

Edward hugged Keats tight, tears in his eyes.

"You can always ask, but I bet Lili would do anything for you, Keats."

Keats squeezed his eyes shut as he started coughing again. He put both his hands up to cover his mouth, pulling closer to Edward as he did. When the coughing fit ended, he tried to catch his breath and a shot of fear ran through Edward.

"Keats?"

But the little boy smiled up at Edward, his breathing a little shallow, but better. 

"I'm okay, Eddie, I promise."

His voice was soft, just a whisper. Edward pulled the little boy into his arms, holding him close.

"That's right, Keats. You're going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay."

He looked up, towards the trail Lydia had gone down. She had to be home soon. She would find a healer and she would be home soon.

* * *

Lydia and Edward stared at the few coins they had stacked on the table. It wasn't much at all. Gods, they probably couldn't even afford a night in an inn with this. Edward scrubbed at his face and looked up at Lydia.

"How much did the healer want?"

There were tears in her eyes as she looked at him, one hand over her mouth.

"A lot more than that. Edward, what are we going to do?"

He scooped the coins into a pouch, his expression going hard.

"We'll find a way to get the rest, Lydia. It's all we  _can_  do."

They both turned to where their little brother lay in a nest of blankets, shivering despite the heat. He hadn't been able to trance for the last week. Thankfully, he'd been able to sleep. It was less efficient, but at least he was getting some rest. At least he wasn't getting worse. Edward put the pouch of coins into Lydia's hand.

"Stay with him, do what you can. I'll go find work. Just... Lydia, if anything..."

"You'll hear from me if anything changes, I promise." Lydia grabbed his arm and pulled her twin into a hug. "He's gonna be alright, Edward. We can keep him safe."

Edward hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead.

"Everything is going to be fine."

With a light pack over his shoulder, Edward headed towards the nearest real town. It would be a day or so until he got there, but he was more likely to find work there than in one of the smaller villages.

* * *

The healer couldn't do anything. "There are cases like this." was what she had said. "Cases where alchemy and magic aren't enough, where the body's too weak and the disease too strong or too advanced. Istus only knows why." She told Edward all of this while Lydia kept Keats distracted in another room. Edward seethed underneath it. Months. It had taken them months to have enough money to pay the healer fees and now they were told it was too little, too late. The healer only shook her head and put the little pouch of coins back into Edward's hand. 

"Give him the best days you can. You've got... I'd say a few months at most. I know this has to be hard to hear, but there's nothing I can do and I won't give you a runaround with fake treatments just to give you a bit of hope. Make your peace with the Raven Queen and trust that she'll take care of him."

He only crammed the pouch back into his pocket and went to get Lydia and Keats. It was time to go. They would find another healer, another way. There would always be another way. They just had to find it.

* * *

By the time Keats had started coughing blood, they had found a temple that would take them in for at least a while. The priests of Oghma couldn't do much for Keats beyond a bed and two meals a day, but at least they had that much. And more importantly, they had a library. They had a library and they let the twins use it in the afternoons. 

"We'll find something here, Lili. I promise. We'll find some ancient spell or a god no one's heard of and they'll have something to help him."

So with determination, they went through everything they could find. Every spell in every school, every tome they could find. They scoured the shelves until the day Edward found something, just a hint, but it was more than they had before. In one of the ancient poems of their people, they found a reference to the undying High Elves who bore the wisdom of their people for generations. Neither of them cared about the ancient wisdom of the Elven people, what they did care about was the idea of Elves who lived forever. Everyone knew, of course, that nothing truly lived forever. Even the Elves, as long-lived as they were, would one day die. But this said  _undying_. There was a way. They had a way to save their little brother, they just had to seize it.

"But, Eddie, where are we going to find out how to do it?"

Edward looked down and ripped the page out of the book, eliciting a gasp of surprise from his sister.

"Go pack and grab Keats. We're leaving. We'll find something."

* * *

Keats was curled up in Lydia's arms as they sat in the back of a wagon. They had heard rumors of a healer who could do the impossible, a dwarf who had the power of Pan and could cure anything. They were on the way to see him. Not that they really knew where to find him, but the rumors had been coming from this area near the city of Goldcliff. It had been a while since they'd heard those rumors, but hopefully... Hopefully, he was still nearby. 

Edward pulled closer to his brother and sister, a book opened across his lap. He was devouring the words on the page, the precepts of necromancy, as they rode. Baelnorns, they had learned, were a secret kind of lich that only Elves could produce, a kind that worked in accordance with the Elven Gods. Of course, they would agree to it to save Keats. That wasn't even a question in Edward's mind. He would do anything for his brother, so of course, the gods would as well. They knew how important Keats was. They had to.

Keats was coughing again, a cloth held to his mouth. Lydia wished she could block the sound from her ears, from her memory. She knew though, that she would remember the sound of her baby brother coughing up his lungs for the rest of her days, however long they were. Gods, if only she could trade places with him, if she could trade her life for his. She would in a heartbeat. She would willingly give up her life and her hope of an afterlife if only Keats could live.

* * *

They hadn't wanted to leave him, but it was easier to search if they split up. Keats wasn't strong enough to walk much anymore and there was a beautiful garden around a pool in the center of the city. So they had left him there, trusting that he would stay and he would be fine while they searched for any signs of a healer who could help. So, Keats was alone when the Red Robed stranger walked into the garden. His hood was up as he walked towards the pool, his hands in his pockets, and he didn't notice the young elf sitting with his back against a tree until Keats began to cough.

"S-sorry, Mister. I can't really help it."

The man came and sat beside him, lower his hood to show the face of a middle-aged human with messy brown hair and glasses.

"Are you alright? You're... you're not alone, are you?"

Keats smiled shakily, having trouble focusing his eyes to look at the stranger.

"No, Mister. I'm with my brother and sister. They're looking for a healer. We heard there was a really... really good one here." He coughed again, keeping the cloth over his mouth until the fit had passed. "I'm Keats. What's your name?"

The man smiled and adjusted his glasses.

"My name's Barry. It's nice to meet you, Keats." Barry settled himself into a slightly more comfortable seat and looked out at the pool. "If your brother and sister are looking for a healer, I could call my friend. He's a great healer."

Keats pulled his knees up to his chest and sighed, rested his head on his arms.

"Eddie and Lili are always looking for healers, ever since I started coughing. Even though the healer said I'm not getting better. They think I don't know, but I could hear."

Barry's eyebrows shot up and he looked over at the red speckled cloth. Of course. Consumption, they had called it back on their homeworld. This plane seemed to prefer calling it The Red Death. He wasn't sure which was more accurate, really, but he did know that without early treatment and a healer who knew what they were facing, it was a slow and painful way to die. The bell in his pocket suddenly felt heavy. Gods, this was what he had come down here looking for but... but Keats was a child. Could he possibly understand? Did he know what he was facing? 

"That's... I'm sorry, buddy."

Keats shrugged a little and tried to stop another coughing fit, to no avail. 

"I just wish that... that Eddie and Lili would stop. I don't want them to be scared. We've been going all over the place trying to find something that might work even though there isn't anything and-" He had to fight to catch his breath, the sound crackling in his small chest. "And I don't want them to do that but they won't listen. I just want my brother and sister back. I just want... I just want it to go back to when it was just the three of us."

Barry wished it was Lup that was here or Lucretia, or even Merle. They would know what to say. What did you say? Keats just looked up at him with those wide, shadowed eyes and smiled. 

"I just want them to be okay when I'm gone." Keats paused to catch his breath again. "I talked to a cleric in one of the temples we stopped in once, and I asked her about death. Her name was Lillian and she was really nice. Lillian told me... She told me that everybody goes to the Raven Queen when they die and she keeps them safe. It sounds nice, not scary at all. I kind of... I kind of wish I could just go there instead of worrying Eddie and Lili so much. And then I'll see them again there someday."

Barry turned and looked at Keats with awe on his face. Here he was, a man who had died a dozen deaths at least, and he had never heard anything so... selfless. He took a breath and closed his eyes.

"What if you could? Would you?"

Keats looked surprised and then shook his head a little.

"I thought about it a few times. But it... it would hurt more than this does, I think. Or it would be messy. And I don't want Lili to see that. She's really, really gentle."

Barry carefully took the Animus Bell out of his pocket, keeping it in his hand.

"What if it didn't hurt?"

For a long moment, they just looked at each other and then Keats nodded.

"If I knew it wouldn't hurt and it was like... like going into a trance. And if I knew it wouldn't make a mess. I know I'm not gonna get better and all of this is just... It's making them sad, more sad than if it just happened because they just keep thinking about it."

Barry nodded slowly.

"They'd miss you a lot. I know if anything happened to my brother, Taako, I would miss him." 

Keats started coughing again and Barry rested a hand on his back, half in support and half to quietly cast a diagnosis spell. Disease was something he specialized in, something necromancy was very good at creating and detecting but woefully inadequate to heal. And gods, this boy's lungs were barely holding together. He wouldn't have much longer before he painfully coughed himself to death. Barry took a breath and held out the Animus Bell.

"Don't... don't ring it until you're sure, Keats. But I can promise you that it won't hurt at all. Take some time and say goodbye, alright?"

Keats stared at the delicate bell and then took it carefully.

"What if it rings by accident? We travel around a lot..."

Barry smiled a little at that.

"Nothing will happen unless you mean it."

"Because magic means you have to mean it." Keats recited the words and then grinned. "Eddie taught me that. He's a really great wizard."

Barry stayed there and talked with Keats for another hour before he stood and pulled his hood back up.

"It really was nice to meet you, Keats. And... I hope you find the peace you're looking for. I hope your brother and sister do too."

* * *

Keats sat between Edward and Lydia with a piece of toast in his hands with raspberry jam spread over it just like he liked the most in the entire world. He'd coaxed a story out of them and Edward had just finished the telling of it. He was leaning against Lydia while he ate and she had an arm around his shoulders.

"Eddie? Lili?"

They both made soft sounds of acknowledgment and Lydia turned to kiss the top of his head.

"Yes, Keats?"

"I love you both. A whole lot. To the moon and back and further. To whatever's further than the moon."

Edward hugged Keats tightly.

"We love you too. All the way to the edge of the universe and back."

Keats laughed quietly, in the soft way he'd learned to keep from coughing as much as he could. Then he looked up at them both.

"Promise me you that no matter what happens, you guys will always take care of each other."

Edward and Lydia exchanged a look over his head and Lydia added herself to the hug.

"We're all going to stay together, Keats. Forever. I promise. We're going to find a way, any day now. You'll see."

Keats leaned into the hug and closed his eyes, knowing that was as close as they would get to promising what he wanted. And as they all got ready for bed, he pulled the bell out of his pack where he'd wrapped it in scraps of cloth to make sure it didn't ring just in case. He believed Mister Barry that it wouldn't work unless he really wanted it to, but he also didn't want to take the chance of Edward and Lydia finding it before he was ready.

He walked to the edge of the clearing and looked out at the forest, trying to ignore the strain in his chest as he struggled to breathe. He could see Edward and Lydia silhouetted by the fire and he silently prayed to whatever gods that might be listening that they would be okay, that they would figure out how to be who they were before this again.

"Love you, Eddie. Love you, Lili."

* * *

Edward and Lydia's heads snapped up as they heard a bell ring. It was a mournful sound, just a single toll that hung in the air. Then a thump as something hit the ground. Lydia was on her feet before either of them had fully processed the sound. 

_"KEATS!"_

Lydia cradled her little brother in her arms, tears streaming down her cheeks as she begged him not to leave. Edward was still, though his hands shook and his face was streaked with tears. He stood there, staring at her, staring at Keats. It was as though his mind couldn't process what he was seeing. Keats... Keats couldn't be gone. Lydia was sobbing inconsolably and reality finally broke through to Edward. He dropped to his knees in the dirt and let the silent tears fall.

It was several hours later before either of them could bring themselves to move, to think about what they had to do next. It was then that Edward noticed the bell that had rolled away from Keats' hand and picked it up.

"Lydia, what's this?"


End file.
